WOW. TWO YEARS AGO i had a little baby named charlotte and i became a mama. i still can’t believe it. i still cry seeing these pictures and the emotional and physical journey i went on. here are some tidbits of the past two years…
it’s strange that you can love something new SOOOOO much. i think that was the first thing that really struck me as a new mom…just how intensely i loved c the second i saw her in the delivery room. i had SUCH a hard pregnancy and i feel like the labor was even harder. i seriously gave up when i was pushing b/c i was too tired and it was too hard. then to see the most perfect creature handed to you brings a flood of tears to my eyes (even now as i’m typing) and everything that happened in the last 20 hours and 10 months dissipates. it was all worth it. every sick feeling, every sprint to the bathroom to throw up, even ugly change pregnancy brought…it was all worth it to hold this perfect baby in my arms. c was like MINUTES old, and i was already thinking about how i could do THIS 3, 4, 5 more times. lol crazy i know. but that is just how much love came pouring out of me.
i would say the next 2 months i was in a cloud 9 fog. i was SOOO excited and happy to have this baby. exhaustion, lack of showers, spit up on my face… it was all this amazing dream that i was living in. i kinda feel like i had waited for this day for so long, that nothing could keep my happiness from shining through. i seriously felt GREAT.
although i didn’t have postpartum, i did have an OCD tiger mom come out of me. everything had to be STERILE. everything had to be PERFECT. and everything had to be for the baby. if even your face or fingers looked dirty, i was not going to let you hold my baby. oh tiny baby who prob has germs at sunday school wants to come over? um… no thanks. you didn’t wash your hands for 1 min under boiling hot water? try again. you think a cloth only meant for c’s mouth can touch anything BUT my perfect babies mouth? get away from us, you don’t get it. use REGULAR soap on anything c touches? HELL NO. i’m sure you get the point. i feel like all of my normal OCD came out in full force. bless michael blair’s heart for going along with it.
as c grew, literally EVERY stage was wonderful, perfect, and heart-bursting. i literally couldn’t get enough of every single new thing she was doing. even the hard times…don’t seem so hard b/c it begins and ends in the blink of an eye (or so it seems). c had colic from like week 5 to 7 months-ish. NOT FUN and NOT easy. it took like 5 months to figure it all out and by the time we did, it was over. haha and then she started the teething journey which was HARRRRRD. i have never reached for something like teething tablets so fast in my life. C also went from being a rockstar sleeper, to one that woke up 3-4 times a night. i’ve never slept on the ground (w/o a pillow or blanket) so many times in my life. i went to bed with c at 8pm and woke up at 630am with just enough energy to get through the day. i look fondly back at that time now, but while we were going through it… MAN THAT WAS TOUGH. showering, putting on makeup, matching clothing without stains, eating like a normal person at a table… all of those were luxuries.
mike finally took the lead at 10 months and started sleep training c and we saw the end of the tunnel. we were finally getting REM sleep and even started to sleep in the same bed!!! (not one person on the floor of the nursery, one person gets to sleep in the bed).
i have to say the hardest part of the two year journey wasn’t the baby, adjusting to new parts of your marriage, figuring out new relationships with friends/family, etc. the hands-down hardest part was working while being a new mom. working in a stressful job that never had slow-times. putting all of my brain power into work when i didn’t have the bandwidth for it. taking a sick baby to daycare when she should stay at home b/c i couldn’t call in sick AGAIN. waking up a baby who should sleep more to rush to daycare when it opens, so that i can make my morning meetings. not spending enough time with your baby at night after work and before bedtime… b/c there’s no way around working full-time. the guilt of all of that is seriously the hardest to swallow.
after i had the baby, i feel like i also lost half of my brain. for some reason i couldn’t recall ANYTHING. normal words and details were wiped clean and replaced with formula measurements, feeding times, diaper facts, sleep training schedules, etc. i even felt like my TONGUE wasn’t working and i kept tripping up on regular vocabulary at work. it was WEIRD. and ask me questions about something i was working on like TEN SECONDS before you walked in… “uhhh uhhhh one sec let me look” would be my answer. i carried STACKS of papers with me wherever i went b/c i just couldn’t remember a damn thing without my notes. i have never had so many instances where people were talking and my mind went blank (or i stopped listening) b/c i just couldn’t get it together. i felt like a 1990s computer while everyone was running on the newest 2015 computer with endless processing speed and memory.
from the time c walked at 10 months till 18 months. that was SOOOOO fun and SOOO hard. she was mobile and moving a mile a minute, but had absolutely no understanding of what was dangerous, what was inappropriate, what was hurtful to others (like hitting), etc. c even went through a gnarly biting phase that has THANKFULLY gone away. ugh.
going anywhere with c around this age was SUPER DUPER hard and draining. i totally became that mom at the playground or gymboree class that said everything was “ok” and gave excuses. oh shoot, c hit your kid? i’m so sorry, she’s very spirited. (polite laugh). crap she just pushed that kid over there…but i’m too tired to get up so i’ll pretend like i didn’t see. c isn’t sharing? well… maybe the other kid needs to step it up and grab it away. hahaha all things that are NOT ok. i was just EXHAUSTED from chasing her around all the time. i even had to go to weekly chiropractor/acupuncture appointments for a while b/c i was physically incapable of keeping up with my new life.
the hardest part of this age literally went away overnight (or so it seems) when c hit 18 months. from 18 months-20 months she became a legit toddler that UNDERSTOOD everything and was SUPER curious. she helped around the house, needed to look at everything, need to TOUCH everything (eyeroll) and her personality REALLY came out. it was the most awesome transition!! by 20 months she was saying about 100 words and REALLY soaking up the world around her.
21 months-22 months, c’s vocabulary EXPLODED. she started talking in 2-3 word sentences, she knew her colors, numbers, alphabets, she DANCED more, and she even knew how to read books!! (i mean memorized versions, but STILL). c’s personality also came out in FULL FORCE. she is HILARIOUS, bossy, stubborn, free-spirited, easy going, a total tomboy, and TOUGH as nails. and i know she i my child but she is VERY smart. i can’t get over how quickly she learns everything and how FOCUSED she is when she wants to do or learn something . she copies absolutely everything we do (even the way we stand or sit or fold our arms), and it makes me melt.
every night while she’s falling asleep she will literally say every single name and word she knows. she will repeat phrases in songs and books over and over again. she will play and sing to herself. i love listening by the door and taking it all in.
she is also bilingual so she understands both and speaks a mixture of both. she even has the cutest fob accent when saying certain things like “red-uh”. she makes up her own words for things like “mai-mai” for socks and “ah chee” for together. lol i love it all and i am seriously loving this stage.
c is obsessed with “helping” right now and doing everything together. as hard as it is to do something with her “helping”, it is worth it to see her tiny mind figuring it all out. i can see the connections being made and the next time we do it, she’s seriously got it down!
i am very very very sad that this one year old journey is ending and c is entering the twos. but then again… i can’t wait to see her personality blossom more and see her play soccer, learn ballet, and interact with kids on the playground more. i thought my heart was bursting when she was a baby, but it has only grown bigger and bigger as c has gotten older.
all those sleepless nights and tough transitions wouldn’t have been possible for me without mike. he has been a rock and the BEST partner to go through this journey with. i have no idea how other couples do it or even single moms! no idea. raising a human, working full-time, and living LIFE is so darn hard… man. i couldn’t have gotten to this point with the best partner in the world. mike is so thoughtful, generous, patient, loving and the best father a family could ask for. <3 i really lucked out with him!! xoxo
are you dying over these photos??? because i know i sure am!!! i can’t believe how muhc a little baby can change in two years. so many faces, personalities, phases, and fun. is it also strange that i can FEEL how i felt in that picture when i look back? i can feel the fight that mike and i just had, or the night of no sleep while c was sick, or even the excitement of this new phase and she was going through it. ^^
below are just about 100 more pictures of c these past two years. i think i legit have about 120,000 photos of her from birth till now. eek. sorry not sorry? haha