Mommy Mondays: Disciplining Toddlers-Spanking, Time-Outs, Lectures

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charlotte is 22 months and going through the most delight terrible-twos phase.  she is strong-willed, independent, well developed in her motor skills, able to communicate with us, and all at the same time VERY capable of saying “no” and doing whoever she damn well pleases.  sigh.

anyway, this post is more about the journey we are on and what we have tried.  i think for the next year or two we will still be navigating this confusing path but hopefully come out the other side happy, unscathed and without regrets.

(short) Lectures

every time c does something wrong or something that is not nice, we sit her down and explain what is not ok.  or we tell her what was not cool about her actions.  this does not always work.  in fact, it rarely works.  mike and i aren’t sure if it’s b/c she is too little or maybe it’s bc she doesn’t fully understand her actions against what just happened.  we continue to use this as our first form of discipline but sometimes…it doesn’t seem like enough.  c is very agreeable to what was wrong and that she will always do better.

Time-Outs

this is kind of the same as the lectures but with a small consequence: she has to sit in the time out chair.  well…it takes like 10 minutes to even get her into the time out chair so by the time she is there, it’s pretty clear that she doesn’t remember what happened and why she is there to begin with.  then she finds some way to have fun in the chair by kicking the wall, slouching, or doing whatever is “funny”.

Counting/Loud Voices

so counting for c at this age doesn’t work.  she is just learning her numbers and when i count to three she thinks it is SO fun.  she smiles and will start counting too.  when i see that it breaks my heart to have her associate the counting with getting into trouble (right now), so i’ve resorted to screaming her name and saying “or else you will be in big trouble”.  this is kind of hit or miss.  she will do this if i’ve spanked her the last time she did it, b/c she remembers and won’t do it again.  or i can yell “do you want a spanking” and she will say no and come.  but yelling is just so embarrassing and i HATE raising my voice.  so…this works much better than the short lectures, but i get flustered and angry~ and i hate feeling that way.

Spankings

oh goodness me.  this is one thing i seriously didn’t want to do.  but i find myself doing it sometimes.  i use this as the last possible resort and only when it is something that puts herself or others at danger.  for instance, she bit my mom on the shoulder just to bite her.  she will smack our tiny dog with toys and laugh about it.  she will run out into the street or into the pathway of cars in a parking lot just to get away and run.  all of these things i find to be serious and something that cannot happen again.  here is the line and you have crossed it.  when i spank i tell her what she did wrong, i lecture her sternly, and then i spank her once on the side of the leg.  not to hurt her or abuse her.  just to reinforce that what just happened can never happen again.  running into the streets or away from mommy in the parking lot is NOT ok.  hitting people and animals is unacceptable.  again this is a total last resort and something i hate to do~ so i’m still working on the first three happening.

 

anyway, i don’t have a conclusion or a main point to this post.  just telling you where we are in our discipline journey and how it is and is not going.  mike and i have noticed that her bad behavior is not cute anymore and her pretending not to listen actually has consequences now.  in order to curb her brattiness and her ability to play well with others~ we are gonna need to make sure we find an effective form of discipline.

if you other mamas have a good idea and suggestions please let me know!  i’m aaaaaaall ears! xo

 

 

 

 

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