SOOO many thoughts about the last three months that i’ve been slowly updating… i thought perhaps a little summary of the last 100 days would be the easiest way to sum it all up!
Month One: Survival
when charlotte came out, i immediately thought “this was worth it, i can do this 4 more times”. LOL that sounds crazy but i really had the WORST pregnancy and seeing C come out erased all of that in an instant. i didn’t have gestational diabetes or braxton hicks or preclampsia. BUT…i swear it was worse. hah the first 5 months i was sick as a dog. i felt like crap and i looked like crap. i LITERALLY laid on my office floor (how freaking nasty is that) several times a day b/c sitting up made me sick. i could only drink soda and eat carbs with melted cheese, watermelon and strawberries~ everything else made me sick. it was the worst 5 months of my life and i can’t believe i survived it. the remainder of my pregnancy i had the worst pregnancy mask (acne/bacne/chestne/neckne), my body turned DARK everywhere (barf), i had really bad carpel tunnel, my feet grew TWO shoe sizes and i was SUPER DUPER swollen (hello triple size nose).
but seeing this little baby come out and be placed on my chest…LIFE CHANGING. i can’t even describe it or go into detail about the emotions but it was the coolest, raddest, gnarliest, most incredible moment of my life. my 10 months of misery was all worth it the moment i saw charlotte and i could seriously do it again 100 times more. (mike obviously feels differently since he had to take care of me during the 10 months.. bahaha)
ok sorry…moving on…to the point about this post…
during the first month you’re still in total shock that you have a baby. you have no idea how to do anything, you’re adjusting to this new personality and trying to figure out a schedule (when there is no schedule). I would say the sleep deprivation doesn’t hit until week 3 or 4 because you’re running high on adrenaline.
for us c slept like a rock the first 2.5 weeks. she was a DREAM baby and she never cried unless hungry. i was trying to figure out the whole breastfeeding thing (such a pain) and ended up giving c formula to supplement from the start b/c i wasn’t making enough (still don’t) which helped her to sleep for longer stretches at a time. C slept 4-7 hours at night and we thanked God for the PERFECT baby.
yea right. that all changed weeks 3-5. she cried at night, had a backwards schedule and we just had no idea what was going on. everything seemed like a “growth spurt”. C also started to have bad gas and began spitting up after meals (gripe water and new bottles to the rescue!). eventually we got all of that under control but we were definitely frazzled and sleep deprived by the end since she woke up every 1-3 hours during the night. i do NOT miss that.
i slept on the couch and on the floor of our living room for weeks 3-5. sometimes i’d wake up confused about where i was and what i was doing on the floor. then i’d remember the BABY and check if she were still breathing! sigh…she always was. THANK GOD.
Month Two: Settling in, Checking things out
for me, month 2 was the “overwhelming” month.
around week 6 c started to fall into a schedule and things got better and better. around week 4 and 5 i tried to sleep train her a little and do a bunch of different methods to switch her sleep schedule around but nothing worked. that was really stressful but once i relinquished the reins and let her do her~~ things got WAY better.
c started to sleep 4-6 hours at a time during the night, she had a more consistent schedule, she was starting to do REALLY cool things (reach out, lift her arms, smile, coo, look around, etc), and i got brave enough to take C out by myself!! that was a a HUGE milestone for me personally. the first month i just couldn’t go outside with her alone. I felt very nervous about everything since we live in an apartment building with a TON of stairs. it’s not wheelchair access or stroller friendly so the idea of doing it all on my own seemed like too much. i began using the ergo and taking C out to places on my own. that was HUGE. i had a lot of fears but the more i took her out, the stronger and more confident i felt that i could do it.
mike even did test talks with me around our neighborhood and apartment building so that i could get the hang of it. this sounds SO sad and crazy…like i’m pathetic but during that time i really really needed his support and his help in getting over my fears.
i just felt SO overwhelmed by everything during month two. i became super OCD, worried about everything, stressed about daycare and started dreading going back to work~ which i had to do when she was 2.5 months. the list goes on and on but month two was filled with a lot of worries and transitions for me. lots of wine, tears, meltdowns and sleepless nights during this time.
Month Three: Sleeping and Kinda getting the Hang of things (kind of)
starting a little before c turned 3 months, she began to sleep 8-10 hours a NIGHT without waking up. HALLELUJAHHHHHHHH
but the thing that i am just SOOO amazed by is that at the 100 day mark both baby and i overcame a huge hump. i can’t quite describe it but C is more mature and able to handle changes better. she has a pretty predictable schedule and it is getting easier to anticipate the next step/mood. i am starting to breath more as a mom as well. i feel less stressed about certain things and i am getting more and more confident as a mom. AND the best part is that we have FINALLLLLY sleep trained her!! we started on her 100 days and she’s been doing BEAUTIFULLY since then. more on sleep training in tomorrow’s post! =D
the entire point of this post was really just to say—there’s a reason why koreans celebrate 100 days. the baby and the parents are in a really great place: they’ve overcome the craziness of the newborn stage and the family is ready to start a routine and begin life as a family. i feel like i have gotten the hardest part of the baby stage behind me and we have all survived. baby is alive, healthy and happy. parents are now sleeping. YAAS, score! and you see the baby start showing peeks into her personality. i am SOOOO obsessed with her and i am enjoying each second with her. cannot wait to see what the next milestones and months ahead will be like!
this post was ridiculously long and i went on several tangents. sigh but that’s just how my mind is these days…sowy.
btw–working mom life is SO SO SO hard. you kiiiinda see articles about mom’s juggling things, career moms, blah blah blah but i never got it until i went back to work. you’re literally torn because you want to be at home with your baby but then you feel guilty for enjoying your time back in the office surrounded by adults. the guilt of not being at home and the guilt about not putting 110% into work is constant. i’m always stressing about work, the baby, the home, my body, etc. my mind never takes a break!